My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
