Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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