Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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