oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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