I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
