I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
did i just pee glitter
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
