it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
