i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
