if you like me you must not know who I am
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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