oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
as a side note pls kill me
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
