I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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