i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Randomize
