i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
