you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
