Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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