I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
