i permit you to call me
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
