Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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