My nipple is on Facebook.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
