roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
