He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You are the jesus of drinking
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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