dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
