at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
