Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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