wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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