You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize