Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
