we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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