Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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