I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
