haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
