my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
