i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize