My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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