turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
