i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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