On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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