I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
