you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
