What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
