AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize