Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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