whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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