I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
