Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
