Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
