I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
