We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
