butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
