we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
