Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
