im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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