I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
