Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I came so hard my ears popped.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize