I think I died a long time ago.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
