I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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