Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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