i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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