next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
