I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize