Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
