no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
