No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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