so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
