I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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