i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
