I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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