this just has baby written all over it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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