i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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