even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
