I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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