cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
this boner is exhausting
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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