Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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