You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
As shirtless as possible
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
