Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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