on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
