I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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