Cold hands, warm shart.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
