i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
