well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
