In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
