Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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