can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
