I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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