You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just threw up on my dentist
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
