yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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