i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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