Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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