I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
